As much as you tell yourself you are ready for this day, or that your loved one is “better off” or they are at peace, you still aren’t ready. I just wasn’t ready for my friend, Conrad, to go to his eternal rest this week. Some say that shock or denial is God’s way of giving you time to assimilate the loss that you experience. It is amazing how often people say “I just can’t believe it.” all the while going through the motions of the funeral service.
And so you cry or talk, or stare into the night sky or the bedroom ceiling until it slowly becomes real to you. It all is in your own timing. For some its a few months, others a year, and still for some, it is impossible to close that door. The finality of death and loss is the greatest hurtle we must face.
And how can we face it? At times we are overwhelmed with emotions such as anger, loneliness, laughter, depression and yes even peace. It is like watching a roller coaster or a tilt a whirl moving so fast I start to feel sick. When will this loneliness ever end? Could I ever know joy again? Can I really go through this?
Yet, the human spirit is resilient- amazingly so. It is so hard to thank God for these moments of grief and sadness. But I do thank God. Not to be trite- because you know I hate that stuff- but at least we feel something and we loved something and they loved us. And we will love and live again.
Joan Chitister has said that “the essence of struggle is neither endurance or denial. The essence of struggle is the decision to become new rather than simply grow older. It is the opportunity to grow either smaller or larger in the process.”
So I struggle, along with many of you, to say goodbye to people, things, animals, places or times. Yes it is sad… sometimes for a long time. But know that you are not alone. Someone’s crying Lord, come by here and be with us. And there He is right near your heart.
